Sometimes I feel you've failed me
Posted: 18/03/2026
I wrote this while I was in Wellington, the day before I left. Why was I so angsty in Wellington? I don't want to admit it, it's partly embarassing (though sometimes people remind me of it). But at the very least this was about the misplaced feelings I had after I visited some friends there. I remembered it today while I was getting ready for bed -- it's not the first time I've considered posting this poem. A lot of things have happened since, though, and somehow the poem feels... oddly relevant in a different way. And hypocritical in quite a few more ways. Though I won't apologise for it.
I already was cognizant of this when I wrote the poem (maybe I was trying to be extra spiteful that day? Why?! I'm embarassed...) but having lived more of life, I no longer want to fall..... I think I just want to throw myself at the ground and miss.
I've ranted about the effects of apathy before, and it now seems I'm its greatest disciple, for the time being. Not that I'm happy about it. Sometimes, life moves faster than you do, and to keep up you make yourself fall into a state of constant disarray. In the absence of your friends and distractions, you find reasons to be cold, disregard your friends' offers for help, skip meals and the chance to enjoy things because "you've done worse". It's not a great place to be. But I see how easy it is to fall into if you're trying to keep yourself from fixating on other people, as I often seem to do. I like to think I'm getting better every day, but at the same time, every time I post a poem I seem to regress, so maybe I ought to stop doing this so I can return to sanity >.<
Poem written on the 25th of November 2025 in Wellington. Photo taken 20th November 2025 in Wellington.