So I'm removed again
Posted: 13/11/2025
You know, whoever you think this is about, it's actually about someone else entirely, I guarantee it. I mean, it wasn't even originally written with my romantic feelings in mind, but I ended up rewriting this poem a few times until it ended up with the reference to my heart, and then I was like "fine, let it be that way." Initially it was just about the feelings I have when I see someone I wanted to know better (even just as a friend!), and the counteracting feeling of impersonality and unknowability I feel at the same time, because I can't trust myself to actually know them. I might end up posting that one, if I work on it more.
It's funny, I sometimes catch myself latching onto conclusions entirely separate to the purpose I originally started with, so much so that I break down wondering why I had hijacked myself with this pretzel reasoning which led me astray. (One person in particular will understand where I found this idea, but I'm applying it to myself since I see myself guilty of this too.) And yet realising this doesn't really soften the blow of my hurt feelings. Problematically, it seems like I must a) follow my feelings, b) doubt them, then c) avoid the object of those feelings as much as I can. Was my subconsious desire to always get hijacked? If so, I dislike my subconscience... and wish for a better intuition, one that knows where the buck stops.
Picture taken on an Amtrack train passing through Providence, Rhode Island, USA. 29th November 2024.