How am I going to get through?
Posted: 20/08/2025
It has now been a week since Sarika passed.
A month or two ago I was talking with one of my flatmates about some of the experiences which I've covered in a bit of detail on this blog. One of the things I learned from her was that, to get over someone or something, you have to find yourself no longer thinking about them.
It feels rather painful to me, then, since there are a few people who seem to constantly run in and out of my mind. Including at this moment Sarika.
Yesterday my flatmate found me crying on the couch in the living room. She has been through a massive loss herself this year. She told me that life has to move on at some point and it's what the person you are grieving over would have wanted, despite everything you feel. But that never stopped her from thinking about her own old friend constantly. She accepts that one day she will think of him a little less, and then another day a little more less, until her friend recedes into the background of her mind. But it would never change the fact that he meant the world to her.
Having tried to eject someone from my life the hard way earlier this year by forcefully not thinking of her (and having failed in all aspects), it may be that I have to accept my position to move on. Nobody says it's easy but it feels so weird that to remove someone from your head they must stay in your mind for a while. It is not the first time I've had to do this, but it feels daunting to need to do it again, and twice. I agree that it would be against their wishes for you to stop yourself and never move past them... so I will find myself some time to do things I truly enjoy, with people I genuinely want to be around. I'm not at that point yet, but I have faith I will be.