Jealousy
Posted: 12/02/2025
I have recently had the misfortune of suffering jealousy the past few weeks, something which I feel like I should write about as a reminder to myself that there are oftentimes things outside of our control which we should allow to continue for the benefit of others.
Jealousy is an awful feeling. It creates lethargy and depression and keeps you up at night. It brings to you morbid thoughts created from imaginary concerns of little actual importance. But worst of all, it causes you to mistrust others for being themselves. The problem with jealousy is that it's a problem which can only be solved by ignoring it. The solution is likely unhelpful immediately for the person suffering it, but there is no alternative if that person doesn't wish to affect others around them (especially those who they are jealous over or of). It is probably the most needy feeling out there - the wish to place your own happiness, ripping it out from someone else's place.
But to be the arbiter of someone else's happiness is shortsighted. Especially for such a selfish end as to replace their happiness with your own. Because, in reality, you have no right to decide that your own happiness should supercede others', merely because you believe that what they feel should be what you feel. In fact, it's a failure of character. There's no reason why one should feel annoyed, hurt, self-destructive because the one they like should happen to create bonds with other people. That fact should be celebrated.
But the jealous mind is, unfortunately, selfish. There is nothing much positive one can do in that state, but to hopefully recognise it and ignore it. It will feel awful. But ultimately, I should think that it is the right thing to do, to let others be themselves and find happiness in others. To hurt others because they have been themselves is awful; to lie to yourself and say that it is the right thing to hurt others because you're hurt that others are happy is as bad. Just because their relationship with each other is deeper than what you'd like yours to be with them is not in fact a bad thing - it's just the way it is. The most consturctive thing you can really do after coming out of jealousy is to help yourself, and hopefully become a person who can have deep relationships. These actions are unlikely to be immediate. But, as long as you survive your self-destructiveness, time and newfound focus will help you feel better.
In the end, things don't matter as much as one might think; you'll meet new people, share more experiences, and hopefully live another day. Just be sure to check in on your friends every once in a while, and genuinely believe in their shared bond.
I wrote this because I had a desire to critically assess myself. Jealousy is not really something I have experienced before, or at least I can't ever remember feeling this way about a person and their friends. It most definitely won't be the last time. But it is natural to desire what you can't have. It's just difficult to come to terms with that sometimes. But it's essential to do so, or otherwise you'll get ten seasons of Friends. (Critical analysis of the neediness of Ross Geller coming soon™.) I just hope that, to the people who I grew angsty over, I still have the sufficient character to remain their friend. Though I think I have tried my best to limit myself, I would not blame them for disengaging if it came to that. Life must move on!
Benedykt
(I've noticed how repetitive this post is, but it's twenty to one in the morning and I don't have the energy to edit anything at the moment - not the first time this has happened! It may be rambling, but it's how I feel.)